Wednesday, February 13

The light and still waiting

by Emily Dickinson
There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons –
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes –

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us –
We can find no scar,
But internal difference –
Where the Meanings, are –

None may teach it – Any –
'Tis the seal Despair –
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air –

When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –

Yesterday I spent a beautiful winter afternoon sledding and playing on a playground with my two beautiful boys. The light was gorgeous and the temperature was humane. I felt refreshed and strong when we went back home, and I needed to feel that way.
We are in the midst of February and still in the midst of unknown. There have been days lately where I felt almost sick again, because the unknown felt too heavy. There are things we should be planning, things we have to think about. Never mind. We need to just wait and wait and wait and wait, be patient, be hopeful and trust. Good things have happened, and life is good, busy and rich. But how long can one live with uncertainty? How long will we be able to handle this kind of pressure and stress without any emotional and physical damage? Everyone I talk to gives me this look, and says:"Hmm, this is stressful." I will just say this, Brad and I have been through quite a bit these last couple years, and we are still here, still going for it, still hoping, still holding on to faith and to each other. I hope this means something in the grand scheme of things. I hope there will be some kind of relief coming soon.
But to end this post on a lighter note, I have been busy, so busy with this translating project, photography will have to be postponed for a while. I am enjoying it and I am committed, but there will be long nights ahead of me. I am sure of it. And then, on an even happier note, when I received the email from Photo Technique's Magazine that I would be featured on their home page, I was sincerely surprised, but so very happy.
And now it is time for me to get back to work. I am without kids today for several hours and have to use my time wisely. By the way, have I ever told you that German is a very difficult language?

all photos © Manuela Thames


ida said...

As settled as we seem here now, we live with uncertainty as well, as to what comes next; to stay or to go... I know how the weight of that can invade every part of your life. wishing you peace and patience in this process.

Manuela said...

Thank you, Ida. I should probably finally email you and we can tell each other more.
By the way, I have been trying to comment on your blog several times and somehow it won't work. Not sure why. In any case, I think I need your advice on potty training. :)

Julia said...

You wield a pretty mean instagram, Manuela. I am always impressed with what you make happen with your iphone. That top one with the shadow between the trees is really great.

I am really feeling also the sort of precarious tension lately between dark and light, good and bad, like they are just barely keeping each other in check and teetering in the balance. Your photos and prose here express that really well.

ulfur grai said...

Hallo Manuela,
ich verfolge dein Blog sporadisch, weil mir deine Fotos, die von Dir dazu ausgewählten Gedichte und die so erzeugte Gesamtstimmung gut gefallen. Jetzt lese ich, daß Du deinen ersten Übersetzungsauftrag bekommen hast und die Erfahrung machst, daß Deutsch eine schwere Sprache ist. Ich arbeite seit Jahren als Literaturübersetzer und kann deine Erfahrung nur bestätigen; allerdings auch, daß sie eine sehr gute Voraussetzung zu gutem Übersetzen darstellt. Solltest Du ab und zu jemanden brauchen, an den Du dich mit fachlichen Fragen wenden möchtest, darfst Du es gern bei mir versuchen.
Alles Gute und viel Erfolg!

Manuela said...

Hallo Ulfur,

vielen Dank fuer das nette Feedback. Ja, deutsche Sprache, schwere Sprache, das hat schon immer meine Mutter zu mir gesagt. Vielen Dank fuer das Angebot. Ich werde das auf jeden Fall in Anspruch nehmen, falls ich nicht mehr weiter komme. Momentan laeuft es ganz gut, aber auch sehr langsam.